Friday, October 9, 2009

The Spiritual Gifts of Bear Mauling and Blinding

talk about 'sundry times and divers manners' (Heb 1). I used to use these examples when talking with Pentecostals, and how while I don't care about tongues or prophecy, I'd totally accept the gift of she-Bear attack coordinator (first target: Joel Osteen) and Blinding people

"He (Elisha) went up from there to Bethel; and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, ‘Go away, baldhead! Go away, baldhead!’ When he turned round and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys." (2 Kings 2:23-24 NRSV)

... it makes you wonder really why the actual recording of 42 was recorded. Like 2 bears eating 42 kids would take quite a long time. That in itself is pretty miraculous. And you'd think he would've stopped after like 2 kids were made an example of and the others thought: "wow I guess we shouldn't mock bald people". This reminds me of one saint I learned about who was mocked by someone and at the saints prayers the man was attacked by bees.


"Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked intently at him and said, ‘You son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, full of all deceit and villainy, will you not stop making crooked the straight paths of the Lord? And now listen—the hand of the Lord is against you, and you will be blind for a while, unable to see the sun.’ Immediately mist and darkness came over him, and he went about groping for someone to lead him by the hand." - Acts 13:9-11

I like the NIV which I think says "blind for a season" which means that it was a pretty powerful.

For a much more blasphemous but hillarious account of other great bible verses check out:

1 comment:

  1. Like.

    I dunno if I've shown you this, but...