Rant: Frustrated with God

Today was awful. There's no way around it. I went to a US history exam and did very poorly, and got back a paper from the class that also only got a 70 (which is my lowest mark this year). And so I came home angry and feeling that familiar feeling of Western Rich Fat Kid Entitlement, and then went to a friends and we studied for 6 hours and then I went to that exam and wrote for 3 hours. 6 hours of exams later, I came home and again felt the Western Rich Fat Kid Entitlement syndrome and decided I was going to stay up late, eat junk food and sleep in tomorrow. but then my computer froze. Fine.... Not a problem, I'll just restart it. Hmm... It's not restarting. Then I remember I've taken all of my dad's photos from his trip and put them on this computer so that they'll be safe because I just got this computer fixed not 2 weeks ago and it shouln't break. And then the computer won't restart.

So I start praying. Then I really start praying....

...

Nothing happens, the result that usually follows my prayers...

...

I start to get really frustrated. My computer has now broken for the 3rd time within a month, the rest of my life outside the last month, I've never had a virus, never had any computer trouble, but it seems like the Heavens have opened and rained down computer problems or something.

I just get SO Angry. I Beg God, PLEASE let my computer work - you can fuck up all my stuff, I just need to get Dad's pictures so he doesn't yell at me - isn't that a 10 commandment!?!@!#!@ honor thy father....trying to do that God....all it would take is less than a milisecond for you to just help me out here.....virtually no effort at all....I mean it's not like I've drastically changed my life for you or like i spend every day arguing that you are there...

Needless to say after trying God I invoked every saint I could think of, I'm considering Hindu deities now if they can get my info, all their people work in tech support for Dell so maybe...

Anyway, it's just frustrating how stupid it feels when God won't even answer a simple prayer that you've prayed for so vehemently.

There's a moment in the movie Signs where Mel Gibson an ex-priest is holding his son who appears to be dying in his arms. He starts to get tears in his eyes and glaring at the heavens he says seething: "I hate you..." ... that's how I feel with God right now, but I doubt like Mel Gibson my prayers will miraculously be answered...

There's another moment I saw the other day. In the Simpsons their church gets destroyed and the Reverend is standing there with a few congregants and says "it will cost a fortune to fix" and then he turns to the sky and shouts "barring a miracle that is ! ...." nothing happens and he mutters "fine, we'll help ourselves....again".

I just get really angry, because if God is supposed to be my 'friend' then he's a terrible friend. If I knew how to fix my friends computer in 1 second and he wanted me to, I would. No strings attached , nothing. In fact, if a stranger asked, I'd do it. But God just sits there, answering other people's prayers...

So I have a solution though, I once heard a Calvinist quote Jonathon Edwards to say God doesn't hear the prayers of the reprobates or even listen to them, and all the evidence seems to be stacking up towards my reprobation. So there we go, a man spends his life reading and talking about God and changing churches for God and in the end it's all meaningless because he wasn't elected.

I know the "right" theological answer, I'm the scum of the earth, God owes me nothing, read the end of Job, etc. But honestly, I'm just getting tired of trying to work with God if he won't help me out when I really need it...

and alone in his computer room recliner the rich white canadian fat kid getting a university education and having 3 days off is angry at God that 1 of his 3 computers broke, while 28 000 children starve to death in Africa as the sun sets on another day...