Thursday, May 1, 2008


I had a dream last night and I've been thinking about this issue alot. I know I'm only 20 but I just was realizing the reality of this truth. One day I will die. I will get sick and not get better, there will be a point in my life when my body will be in a piano box somewhere underground. I'm just thinking about how strange death really seems. All the time we joke about killing ourselves, but honestly can you even imagine what death will be like. Like I guess I mean the process. At one moment we will be alive and then that will be it. No job title, no bodily appearance, no loving family, none of that will mean anything. It will just be us and God (if people like me are right) and I mean I guess the theory I hold to is Purgatory and then being with Jesus and glorified forever. I have faith, but that is quite a thought. Like it's fine to theorize about it now, but to think about it as a reality, that's crazy.

I wonder how much dying hurts. What will it be like to be consciously dead. I find we tend to imagine death in a way that is similar to just becoming invisible. Will we see? our soul doesn't have eyes does it? that's our body. Will we hear? Will we have any empirical senses at all. It is almost so incomprehensible that I can't really think about it. I guess that's what lots of people do who are dying, they don't think about it. Maybe that's the only way we get through it.

But I was just thinking if somehow on my way to work tonight or afterwards I just get in a car accident and that's it, how strange it would be. Like one minute I'm thinking about what movie I'll rent next and listening to Vivaldi and bam, game over. It's odd. But it happens to everyone.

St. Paul says that we died to ourselves in Baptism and are raised in the newness of life. My baptism was amazing, so maybe death won't be that bad. I am comforted by the idea in Abraham's story that we go to dwell with our fathers. And if God is our ultimate Father, it still works. Maybe I'll see my grandpa.

The Apostles Creed ends with "I believe in the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting". I think i'll feel alot more comfortable in a body again on the day of resurrection... but maybe I'll get a better one.

I read the first third of that book "90 minutes in Heaven" by some Baptist pastor who apparently died and went to Heaven and then came back and wrote a book about it. I think people loved it not so much because it was something new, as much as it reaffirmed every stereotype imaginable about Heaven. I think people like to trick themselves into thinking they know exactly what will happen when they die. Well I don't know what will happen for sure, I know none of the details, I don't know if I'll see or sense or have some totally different Operating system, like switching from PC (life) to Mac (death). But I have faith in God, I believe in the grace of Christ, and with any luck I will be with Him in Paradise as he promised the theif on the cross.

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