Am I partly Catholic? I realize that there are some things I’ve picked up from this divide of Mass, Protestant Service, Anglican Service repeat cycle that I’m on. For one thing, I’m feeling a lot more comfortably Catholic. I took a quiz that Criffton sent me today and it was a ‘what kind of a Catholic are you?’. I found the quiz ironic, as I am not officially anything more that a questionably baptized Baptist, but I took it anyway. I got “conservative Catholic”, I still contend that I do go to mass more than most Catholics do, but in Niagara, that isn’t saying a lot.
The other day I had to park in a space at the airport that was way too small and I didn’t think I would make it, suddenly I found myself sub-consciously whispering “Hail Mary”s at a rapid pace, and then crossed myself once after successfully parking. I still pray the rosary on occasion, I cross myself every time I pass a Catholic Church. I used to constantly ask for the intercession of the saints, but since a few weeks ago I tried to force myself to stop. Then today, I had a horrific day, probably one of the worse days in sooo long. Long story short I needed a miracle, and the first thing I found myself saying was ‘Blessed Mary ever virgin pray for me…’ and before I could stop myself I ended up asking for her intercession. I also still pray the Catholic meal prayer and cross myself.
Sometimes when I get home late at night and I’m really tired and I don’t know what to say I just pray the “Our Father” and then kiss the crucifix on Mel’s Rosary. I’ve screwed everything up because I couldn’t make these RCIA meetings at St. Alexander’s and ended up leaving a message that said I was only interested in talking with Father Peter and not officially becoming Catholic, so that kind of closed that possibility, at least at St. Alexander’s anyway. And even though I have been re-reading Romans and find myself feeling that Sola Fide and Sola Gratia are really the message, I still find that I feel at many times unashamedly Catholic.
I am trapped in this nexus between the two realms.