Personal Clarifications

As for my very near conversion to Anglicanism, it was based on the desire to be accepted by God, even when in a state of Mortal Sin, or at least the desire for grace before I receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Similarly, I've always had issue with the Scholastic / Greek Patristic understanding as humans only 'wounded' by original sin, and not totally depraved. I find Trent troubling in it's understanding of Concupiscence light, and tend more towards Augustine and Calvin.

I thought Sola Fide could be supported by many passages in scripture, but also that it was not justification by imputation, but rather by infusion or transformation. Philippians 3:12 seems to me to entirely repudiate the 'bare dogma of double imputation' as Cardinal Newman called it.

So for a while, based on my personal experience, I wanted to leave Catholicism. Which would've made me a Methodist/Wesleyan (using personal experience as an authority). But instead I've simply decided to do as Hans Urs Von Balthasar says, believe in love. Love alone is credible, and it is completely unbelievable. There's no reason why God would love us, or accept us, even if we 'jump through the sacramental hoops'. So I have decided that when I am in mortal sin, it is time for me to - in good Thomist tradition - practice the theological virtue of hope. Hope in God's good providence, that I will not die in a state of mortal sin, and hope that if I did, God would accept me based on his mercy, and my congruent merit (the fact that I tried to get to confession).

I've also decided to read my bible more often, and to try to find some good Catholic Biblical Theology if there is such a thing.