The Transforming Friendship

I've been struggling with alot of theological and philosophical issues recently. Yesterday I found myself wondering: why am I even a Christian. Originally it had something to do with Jesus Christ if I remember correctly. When I was at Bible School in England, the first lecture series we had was called "The Transforming Friendship" and was taught by a great Baptist preacher. In remembering my spiritual beginnings, perhaps I will find light on where to go in this dark time.

A kind soul recommended a book to me, and the first words brought me to tears. They reminded me of something I might've forgotten:

"Let me tell you how I made His acquaintance.
I had heard much of Him, but took no heed.
He sent daily gifts and presents, but I never thanked Him.
He often seemed to want my friendship, but I remained cold.
I was homeless, and wretched, and starving and in peril every hour; and He offered me shelter and comfort and food and safety; but I was ungrateful still.
At last He crossed my path and with tears in His eyes He besought me saying, Come and abide with me.

Let me tell you how he treats me now.
He supplies all my wants.
He gives me more than I dare ask.
He anticipates my every need.
He begs me to ask for more.
He never reminds me of my past ingratitude.
He never rebukes me for my past follies.

Let me tell you further what I think of Him.
He is as good as He is great.
His love is as ardent as it is true.
He is as lavish of His promises as He is faithful in keeping them.
He is as jealous of my love as He is deserving of it.
I am in all things His debtor, but He bids me call Him Friend." - in "The Friendship of Christ" Robert Hugh Benson